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Ben Anthony profile image Ben Anthony

How to Get Fired Before Monday

Holiday parties are usually a great time. Surrounded by co-workers, your boss and in most cases, free flowing alcohol.. what could possibly go wrong? Yup, you guessed it, Murphy's law (if something can go wrong, it will), and oh boy, have I ever had my fair share of

How to Get Fired Before Monday
Don't get lit and try out your best pickup lines or erotic dance moves at the work Christmas party.

Holiday parties are usually a great time. Surrounded by co-workers, your boss and in most cases, free flowing alcohol.. what could possibly go wrong?

Yup, you guessed it, Murphy's law (if something can go wrong, it will), and oh boy, have I ever had my fair share of holiday party stories that I've witnessed and also been part of. These are all based on TRUE stories that I've either witnessed or heard about from direct trusted friends and/or camera footage lol (HR had to get involved in some ... lol)

The keg stand drinking game... not a good thing for work.

I've seen or heard it all. Holiday parties include all the ingredients for angry blow ups, adultery, sex and people just making complete FOOLS of themselves, and the worst part, your boss is there! .... (See also the wall of shame at Pour Decisions).

The main ingredient is simple: Alcohol. But don't forget to ad in co-workers, resentment, feelings of not being appreciated or underpaid, feeling attracted or hate towards a co-worker and that's just the start.

Some works places are like a medieval version of Mortal Combat.

Most would call these tails "Christmas party horror stories" but it's all about perspective and if YOU were part of the mayhem or not.... (It's usually not so funny when you're involved in it lol ). So here are my best "holiday party mayhem stories" that I've been part of, or witnessed in the past 25 years.

Holiday party disaster #1: The Global Delivery Company Shit Show

I was dating a girl about 20 years ago that worked for a major GLOBAL package delivery company and she invited me to her work Christmas party. There were about 200 people attending and was the party ever going!

It was a great time because not only because the alcohol was flowing for free, I also had another friend, let's call him "Mr. X" that worked there so I felt comfortable right away, I knew someone else!.

Mr. X. Having a blast... no care in the world.

The benefit of "knowing my buddy - Mr. X" from the party quickly turned into not such good of a thing lol. After a couple hours, I wondered where Mr.X was to only discover him BEYOND intoxicated and belligerent passed out in the bathroom...

Wild! Stay safe and take it easy at the work party!

Ok fine, Mr. X. was passed out on the bathroom floor at a Christmas party. Big deal right? Well, I left out one little detail... he had literally ripped out 2 toilets, a few sinks and the mirror in his drunken stupor. Yes, this is a TRUE story!

Mr. X. in all his glory.. before he passed out.

To make a long story short, he wasn't punished or even talked to.... I still don't get why not to this day and the only reason I could think up was that there was such a major driver shortage at the time. So Mr. X., this was definitely one of your best Pour Decisions EVER but I still love you today! We all make Pour Decisions.. maybe just not that big.

Holiday party disaster #2: The Global Delivery Company Shit Show (continued with a different dumb ass)

At the same party (Global package delivery company from story #1 above), we had another major blunder occur. How could it get worse than Mr. X. literally bombing the bathroom with his fists you ask?

Well, let's introduce Mr. Y. I didn't know Mr. Y. at all, and I only had saw him pretty tipsy throughout the night. Now understand, I will NEVER condone drinking and driving, nor do I think it's funny, but you just can't make this up!

Never drink and drive - it's NOT worth it!

Mr. Y., luckily is alive today because what he did was not only unbelievable but SUPER dangerous. He left the party and got into his car and tried to drive home completely intoxicated.

After smashing through a fire hydrant with his car, his air bag deployed. He simply punctured it and continued to drive home as the air bag sifted out the driver window.

Don't be a dummy...

After a short spout at the hospital and some legal troubles, Mr. Y., was back at work. But since you needed a perfect driving record to drive for this company, he was assigned desk duty but didn't lose his job! (I don't think 20 years later, today, this would be tolerated... the wild 2000's I guess.

Holiday party disaster #3:

This shit show, for the lack of better terms, happened in December about 10 years ago, before we all had camera's in our pockets, and was actually a family member's party that she hosted at a very bougie/expensive venue outside Toronto, Ontario.

Was a pretty fancy place..

This place was pretty fancy and like all great stories, the drinks were flowing and everyone was having a great time, especially Mr. T. Mr. T. is a buddy of mine that I've known since University.

After a few hours, we were all wondering where Mr. T. had gone as no one could find him. We all assumed that he had been picked up and was at home... Boy were we wrong! LOL...

Mr. T. woke up the next day on the steps of a church covered in his own refuge. The best part, is that parishioners, people attending Sunday mass, were having to walk around him as they attended Sunday mass.... Literally, we have NEVER let him live this down.... EVER... Mr. T. is the new meaning of "Holy Shit"..... :)

True story.. Poor People.

So how do you avoid becoming HR's worst nightmare?

Know your limits, plan to leave early or if you have a bad feeling or see a negative outcome, avoid it all together! Avoiding the party should be a last resort, but if you know that Walter from accounting is going to set you off, simply don't go!

Wild! Stay safe and take it easy at the work party!

Not going to the holiday work party will likely be noticed and can have other consequences like hurting your bosses feelings, but that might be a small price to pay compared to the alternative....

And remember, MOST of the stupidest things I've witnessed, done and/heard of, we don't really have a record of... those were the days BEFORE the internet, camera's in your pocket and social media... the good old days for me anyways lol ...


Want my take on family get togethers for the holidays? Watch one of my original videos on the subject:

Family Drama - Easter Dinner: Y or N?

A Christmas money saving tip that you DON'T want to try at home..

I wouldn't try this at home!

We're all about having fun here in Canada... Just don't want the rest of the world confused... lol

Things are different in Canada.

Be kind to the environment but don't piss off your neighbors...

Real Christmas Trees.. Best for the environment.

Ben Anthony profile image Ben Anthony